5 Ways To Ditch Your Bae This Upcoming Valentine(For The Sharp Guys Out There)

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So over time, year-on-year guys are always having to spend heavily every Feb 14th. One cannot help but ask, who send saint valentine message? Who on earth invented this money-spending scheme? Why would someone just settle down and create a master campaign to make guys spend repeatedly on a random date? Why not August 23rd? Why so close to the new year? We are not even allowed to chill from all the xmas wasting sorry  spending all through January. Now all em babes are acting all nice, you cant even form argument around Feb 11 or 12 to cause fight that would elapse till Feb 15th. As a bad sharp guy and the Yorubademons(yes proudly so) of Madivas I have decided to come up with a list of easy ways to escape all valentine CASH-FREE. 

1 BVN Issues

  • Step 1 On Thursday 11th, show bae this SMS from your bank “Dear customer, we have had some issues with batch [Insert first 3 digits of your account no]of all the BVNs in our database and as such, we regrettably inform you that we do not have an accurate record of your BVN details. Please visit your nearest branch to quickly rectify this error. Please note that this rectification is free, kindly disregard any SMS from anyone asking you for money. [Insert Bank Name] would never at any point ask you for money or your secure account pin/password. Thank you for your patronage”
  • Step 2 The next tell her how busy your day was. You managed to go to your bank during your short 1-hour break at the office only to see a queue long enough to last several hours. On vals day, as a cashless dude with a frozen account, you and bae would comfortably netflix and chill

 

2. Damn It. My car was stolen while I was buying you….

For you to pull this one off perfectly you have to be very very good at acting, your nollywood hollywood skills must pass another level.

  • Step 1 Just seek out that friend that your bae doesnt realy visit or get familiar with. Park your car in his house.
  • Step 2 Call bae to tell her that you are currently in the police station. Tell her you got [insert the gift shes expecting] at [insert a mall where your car can get stolen]. Tell her you have checked everywhere. Depending on the kinda guy you are cry, whine, shout…Sha show enough emotions to reflect your anger towards loosing your car. To make her feel completely bad, tell her your already bought the gift sef, but amidst all the confusion and commotion at the police station you don’t know where you dropped the key
  • Step 3 : Retrieve your car from your friend and tell bae the police got them


3.Blame it on the Dollar Transaction Restriction

 

Right now, you cant spend more than $1000 with your debit master card for foreign online transactions. This scam is for those one with babes that get gifts outside Nigeria

  • Step 1  Ensure she sees you using your debit card to pay for several things online. It doesn’t matter whether or not your were actually buying anything, just ensure she sees you paying(or faking) for personla things online. Do this before 10th Feb
  • Step 2 Start blaming Buhari/Jonathan for the current economic situation in the country. Complain bitterly on the debit card restriction for online transaction and how you have been unable to pay for some of the online services you subscribe normally. Alas tell her that you were unaware of the monthly restricti


4. Lassa Fever!

  • Step 1: Ensure bae knows that you have informed your friend that sells fashion and beauty items to get her something really nice. Infact make her so curious about the gift but insist on not telling her the exact item you got her. Do this before 9th-10th Febuary.
  • Step 2: On the evening of 13th of Febuary, call her and gist her how your fashion friend just contracted Lassa fever, tell her she has already bought the gift but contracted the disease while on trip to Oyo satae to deliver some val items for some big men. Ask her advice if you should go and retrieve the gift. Lets hear what she would say!

 

5.  Wrong Shipment

  • Step 1: Ensure bae sees you ordering [insert what she was expecting for val]. 
  • Step 2 : Call her to tell her that the item shipped was absolutely and totally wrong form what you ordered. “bae imagine! They delivered a size 7 instead of size 4. I selected size 4, I don’t know why on earth they would even do that”Cal her down that the right size is never coming coming next week

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