Not all abusers are physical when you say or do something they don’t like, there are other ways abusers use to manipulate people and they do it in a way that you will not be able to apprehend until it is too late. Most abusive partners in a relationship are not always the evil monster that we perceive them to be, and you don’t always feel hatred towards them because there is an equal chance that the abusers in your life are the people who are most important to you and you love them completely. These abusers are smart that they will manipulate you until you are too involved to leave and you start drowning in your own misery, if you have been through this before and you felt like it was just love then you need to have a second thought about your relationship;
1. Phrases that start with “if you really love me, you will”
This is the start of the most typical form of manipulation, it sounds very innocent but can eventually turn into a powerful tool for control. It usually starts with something simple and once you agree the first time the demands keeps on getting bigger and more difficult and you cannot prove your love to someone by doing things you don’t want to do or things that seems wrong to you that you might even regret. If someone really loves you, they won’t use manipulative tactics to get their way.
2. Justifying every woman action with the phrase “I just love you too much”
It sounds familiar right? this usually happens when your partner is uncontrollably jealous and ends up doing something stupid like calling your friends asking them to stay away from you or ordering you to dress up exactly the way they approve. If your partner can’t trust and respect you enough to wear what you want to or meet the people you like, then what good is this kind of love?
3. When they say “I want to take care of you”
Your partner keeps insisting you stay home and even forbids you from going to work or even school with a good reason and that is he wants to take care of you, he wants you to enjoy your life and not work at some annoying job every day. Keeping all of their justifications aside, would they still let you work if you really want to? If your answer is NO, then maybe your partner just wants to keep you away from education, work and your own income so that it will be harder for you to leave.
4. Looking for excuses to take a fresh start
A fresh start can be amazing for a relationship but not always because it can also take the form of abuse and a way to control your partner’s life. Abusive partners always have an unbelievable good reason to move to a completely new place where their partner doesn’t have the support of their friends and family.
5. Suicide threats
This is the most extreme form of manipulation, when your partner is telling you how much he loves you and how he will harm himself if you leave him, it is not something romantic it’s only abusive. These are only empty threats, if someone is ever ready to kill themselves, they will never scream it out to people around, the threats are just a way to control your decisions.
6. Explaining their irrational behaviour with ” I just want whats best for us”
This can make your heart melt buy when you are in an abusive relationship it means ‘I just want what’s best for me”. When you are in this situation, reflect your mind whether the things they are doing are actually good for you or if they are only good for your partner alone.
7. The word “I want to have a family with you”
This word is often used to control decisions, though, you might feel that i’m taking every single dialogue as a way of manipulation but you will be shocked when this is used as an excuse to force you into having sex when you are not ready for it. This can also be used in persuading you into keeping an unwanted pregnancy or even stop you from leaving. If your partner wants to have a family with you, he would respect your choices and your body.
8. Explaining their insecurities with “it’s the people around you I don’t trust”
It’s very nice to have someone around protecting you, you will be happy and feel like someone cares for you but there’s a very thin line between being protective and being downright controlling. If your partner stops you from going out or doing things you want to do by saying this words above, then it is not something you should be happy about. Your partner should always have your back without feeling the need to ask for their permission every time you want to pass the night with your friend.
9. Always explaining how no one can ever love you the way they do
An abuser knows how to use the word love to maintain an upper hand over their unsuspecting partner. They will constantly say things like “No one can ever love you to the extent that I do” or “No one else knows how to treat you right and we need to be together forever. These can be really charming even when you are hearing it from an abuser but the difference between hearing it from an abuser and a normal partner is that an abuser will only say these things when they feel like they are losing control or when they know that you are vulnerable at the moment.
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