HE IS TOO CARING AND CLINGY

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When I first met my husband, it was in a library. We talked briefly and we became close. I have had past relationships in my life so I was careful as possible. I realized that he had no past relationship. He was a typical virgin and was new and I was his first girlfriend. So I felt comfortable with him. He was so kind and loving so I agreed to marry him.

Now it has gotten worse. Every time he does anything I want without asking questions. At first I enjoyed it but now I’m starting to worry about him as it’s getting out of hand. He does not display any act of manliness in the house. He behaves like my puppet or my foot stool. The other day he was watching the soccer game and I just jokingly mentioned how boring it was and I would prefer the faith channel. He changed the channel to the faith channel just like that. Even at work he would be calling me and texting me I am even scared he would loose his job if his employer finds out.

I have no time for myself.. he is always around. Sometimes if I say no to his advances for sex he would act like I am a wicked woman who has cheated him or rubbed him of his right. He would give me the silent treatment for weeks until I give in. On Sunday he insisted on going with me to the salon and it’s now embarrassing as every Sunday my mates in the salon would gossip about how my husband is the only man amongst women making their hairs because his wife is there. I try to talk to him but he would feel so sad like I have taken something away. I don’t understand.

If I’m studying at night, he would suddenly begin to romance me and strip me of my clothing without saying anything first when he can see I’m studying. If I rebuke him, he would be very sad. Every time he must have one intimate relation with me everyday and life does not work that way. I don’t know if it’s immaturity or he is sick mentally. The day I returned home 11pm due to huge traffic jam, I was expecting him to be furious like any other man.. he was with all smiles even offered me water and collected my bag and books. Christ.

I need sincere help. I told his family that I’ll file a divorce if this continues as I cannot live like this. It’s no longer love but idolatry. I thought it’s wives that are submissive.. he is the one submissive. Anything I ask… he grants even silly things. Things that a real man would query before granting.

I am sure that if I ask him to bathe in acid he would do it. I’m sick and tired of this marriage. Just a year. The last quater he gave me his ATM to spend when I went for training in Abuja. When I was spending excessively he was quiet about it until I returned and found it he was broke that i wrecked him. I was wondering what happened to him. Why didn’t he talk?

Dear Sister,

I advice you talk to him, Sit him down and explain your feelings, let him know you love him for the man he is but he does not have to do silly things to please you. He knows it’s not right I’m sure but he feels like he has no choice. So let him know there is a choice. Give him the assurance that you are his forever. Does your husband have any close friends? Someone he listens to, and someone he trusts. I think you should talk to that person about this whole thing. Tell that person to counsel your husband about his behavior towards you.

Is he a sports fan? If not it was probably not a big deal for him to turn to something you would enjoy if he didn’t care much for what he was watching. He was being considerate of you.This is good in a marriage you need to be considerate of each other. BUT let him know that he can watch/do the things he likes because you want him to enjoy himself also.

Let him know you love him and like spending time with him. But you’d like some time to yourself and that he could have some time to himself also. You could suggest he do some fun activity he likes or learn a new skill.Like painting or learning to play soccer(football) or some other sport.Or he could learn to cook or whatever else he may like to do. This way you have time to yourself and so does he and he can focus on himself instead of just you

Re:  the part where you said you were studying and he came for sex, did you tell him you needed to work and that after you’re done he could have what he wanted? (That’s if your willing to have sex after your done doing whatever it is you need to) Let him know you two can’t always have sex, that’s not how things work that sometimes you have to do without. Assure him that there will be sex/lovemaking just not everyday and any time he wants it. But there will be lovemaking. You have to communicate with him.

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