HOW DO I FORGIVE A MAN THAT DUMPED ME WITH A BABY?

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 This is a message we received in our inbox. We have given advice and set up a poll to seek public opinion. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail [email protected]
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Hi Amaka
I have this problem, in May this year a week after giving birth I found out my man was cheating on me after going through his phone as he had started behaving strangely. I confronted him about this as I was so hurt and I thought he loved me. What ripped my heart apart was the fact that ‎he was chatting to this girl and making arrangements to book a room so they can have sex, this was painful to me as we had been having sex til the time I gave birth!
After asking him about this, he cried and apologized saying it did not mean anything to him, after a while I did forgive him as I truly love him.
2 months later he was dating 2 women at the same time (I also found this through his phone) and this time around he denied it. I no longer have respect and trust for this man. I do love him, I want out relationship to work but I cannot forget how he has betrayed my trust. He says he has changed and I think he has but I am not sure. He gave me his pin for his phone and I declined as I wanted to learn to trust him but it is not happening as I don’t know why he cheated in the first place. I am worried that he’s gonna do it again as he doesn’t want to address it. I am considering leaving him even thought I know he is a good man minus the cheating.
Dear Sister,
It is very hard to trust someone again after they have done something to make you doubt them, it takes a whole lot of determination and spirit of forgiveness to come back to trusting this person. In this situation where he has begged and said to have changed, I think you should give him some benefit of doubt and also talk to him about how the situation has hurt you a whole lot and how you would want him to change for real.
You have said he is an amazing man, work on encouraging him, appreciating him, try to not make him feel that you are always not suspecting him, give him breathing space and peace, shower him with love and try not to always nag about this. This would make him realize(if it skipped him) how great a wife he has and why he does not need to cheat or hurt her.

 

Dear Amaka

Please help me, how do i cope with this,PLease give me tips to keep you going after a man dumps you with a child…..

Dear Sister,

It is very important to understand that men can be babies and they can chicken out when the situation is getting tough, I do not know the details of how and why he left but I guess or should I say I assume it is an unplanned baby, he got scared and chickened out, its now up to you to be strong and try your very best to give that child the best you can, you have to try to be strong and live life to the fullest.

 

I need to talk to someone about this. I need an honest opinion on this.

I was introduced to this guy some years back by an honest friend. Well, the idea is to see if things will work out. he lives in th UK and I was in Nigeria then. We got talking (like every other normal friend and no strings attached.) After my national service I travelled to Canada for my studies. We still got along well and super as friends, this is after 1 year of knowing. During my stay in Canada, we talked, chatted, skyped. To be honest, he was really caring and nice. He was really a good friend, gave me encouragements and advice when needed and we were just that.

But I noticed from our discussions (cos we really had heart-to-heart diacussion) that I am not really the type of girl she can live with (physically). At a point he even persuaded me into introducing her to some of my beautiful friends. Long story cut short, I noticed he would not go for me, so I never bothered hoping that he will ask me out and I took it in extremely good faith, no grudges.

Since 2011 till date, we’ve been good friends and from time to time, he still keeps reminding me to introduce him to any of my good and beautiful friends. Now, I met this girl here, we are pretty close and I am super convinced that she will fit into what he wants (she is beautiful), but now I’m not sure if linking the two of them is a good idea.

Reason: I feel this lady will be on a super advantage compared to me cos this guy has desirable qualities in a mate (caring, loving, handsome, financially comfortable, has a good heart…….) I can’t bear the thought watching her enjoy all the things I have ever wished for. So what do you think.

N/B: I am currently dating a handsome, good, financially comfortable ….guy. But one issue I have with him is that he is not as caring and attention-giving as I need. (I am attention-seeking by nature) So that makes it difficult for me to give away this treasure right under my nose.

Your advice/word/opinion here will be highly appreciated. Thanks.

Dear Sister,

My dear in all wrote I got that you are dating someone who is comfortable, handsome and good. If you have all this then why bother?. Truth is if a guy has seen that its not you no matter what you do he would still move on to that person he feels is right for him, it is not an issue to introduce your friend to him, you have someone who has it all too, there is no need to get spiteful and hold back introducing them.

You should also take him as a friend as he has taken you and try not to attach feelings so you can also grow in your relationship .

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