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There is a common notion that marriage kills freedom, It always seems like your wings will be cut down by your partner and you are not going to be able to fly high again that is the reason most single people are proud of being independent. After marriage the picture will definitely change and you will be answerable for every actions. That is something most people are not ready to do. Marriage is an important decision that will affect the rest of anybody’s life and thinking through your decisions will help you make sure it is the right time, person and place. Most people harbor unconscious thoughts that says love equals loss and unless this belief is worked consciously, It will determine your actions and you will be denying yourself the possibility of a lifetime of immense richness that can arise when you take a risk of committing to a shared life.


 Hi Amaka. I’m a 29 year woman and after 7years of being single (long story – own choice) i met a guy 36years – 5months ago, everything i want in a man, kind, well educated and all the blabla from south Africa. He came to London to set up a business deal. To my own surprise , I let myself go and we started dating. I feel like im an integral part of his life, we been on holiday together twice already, I have contact with his family back in SA and he takes care of me (bought me a car, takes care of my rent and all). Everything was great until last month when he started talking about marriage. he’s going back to SA at the end of july As his business in London will be over and he wants me to marry and follow him to SA. Here has all the things I prayed to find in a man and above all i love him, for someone who doesnt normally give a chance to guys, i let myself go and it has been wonderful.My main concern is  things are going too fast ?? I have a life in London, a career, family and all that. if I follow him to an unknown land, marry him and things don’t work out ?? what next ??. He is not playing, and he is very black and white, for him is either I commit or I don’t – no long distance business. Marriage is a lifetime decision, if i leave my career – a career ive being working at for the past 6years in the company i dreamt about what if things don’T work out, will I have to come back heart broken and having to re-start all over again ?? should i follow him, or i should stay and pray someone else comes around ? Bottom life is, I’m scared things are going too fast and should I be happy???

Dear Frightened

Marriage is a huge step and its normal for you to think through before venturing into it. If you take a look at the marriage fears you will see that they always simmer down to one that is fear of loss especially for a career driven woman like you. Being married does not mean your life and career will end its just another phase of life that you need to adjust to, Our mothers adjusted and so did their mothers too. Though the increase in divorce rates and incidence of cheating partners has made most people loose faith in marriage but you cannot use all those scenarios to determine yours, The person you married today won’t be the person you are married to in years to come so it now depends on how you handle the change that will determine the sanctity of your marriage.

Its up to you to make your marriage work and you don’t need to be pessimistic about it, Always hope for the best and put your mind towards it. If you have really thought about your decision that you love him and he loves and you see no reason why you should decline his proposal you can build your life and career in his country or you get a transfer from your company if they have a branch over there.


Hey darlings this diva is between a rock and a hard place where do you think she should go from here.



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