This is a message we received in our inbox. We have given advice and set up a poll to seek public opinion. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail [email protected]

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Hi am a lady of 28 year old,my guy has been avoiding me because of sex now ever since I change location due to job and since we have been dating,there is no sex between us,now that I refuse him to have sex with me,he just stop giving me audience,he told me to forget abt him.what should I do because I love him so much.

Dear Sister,

I do not understand something here, is it that there was never sex or the sex stopped since you changed location? what I understood here is there has never been sex  “since we have been dating” this kind of explains to me that it never existed, hope i’m right, either ways relationship should not be all about sex, if your principles says no sex then do not compromise, unless you are ready, do not take a step you are not willing to take due to pressure from him.

Do take your time think about it, ask yourself if you ready or not, and if he truly loves and cares for you he would wait till you are ready and comfortable to take that step.

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Good morning Amaka,

I’ve read through your mails and I’ve discovered that you try to help people with their relationship problems. I happen to have one and am wondering if you can give me some advice. I’m 22 years old and am currently in a relationship with this guy and we’ve been dating for a year now but the problem is,he has a girlfriend and they have been dating for a long time but they are not based in the same city. We happen to attend the same church and he doesn’t want the church members to know whats going on between us with his reasons being that they would put pressure on him. Now,I have another guy whom i just met and he seems very serious about getting married to me plus i find him fun to be with and he’s very calm whereas the other guy has never mentioned marriage to me or anything of sort. I’m a bit confused because I know I won’t end up with the guy in my church and I don’t know how to tell him to move on with his girlfriend. Please what do you suggest I do?
I must ask why you are letting yourself be the side dish, its obvious that you are his side, which he is with because his main is not in town, I bet you when she comes back you would be almost forgotten and you would be wondering where you had gone wrong, truth is you deserve better than being a side chic.
Its surprising that you have another who takes you as number one and treats you very good and you decide to be number two to someone else, as you said the other guy has never mentioned marriage of course he would not mention marriage because that is not his plan. Its best you get yourself away from where you are number two and move to where you would be number one because you deserve that.
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I met this guy and he started talking to me we talked as if we knew each other from way back he encouraged me to work hard in xul and told me his school progress when I asked him and unfortunately he was leaving for capetown to pursue his studies. We got so close and now we are in a relationship now, he tells me he has no fon at first he had it but now it got damaged and he can’t afford to get one now because It’s expensive with the data things, the problem now is we hardly communicate because he uses his office desktop for the internet so when he is out of the office there is no communication and at times I would call him at night he wouldn’t pick up he would text in the morning saying he was asleep he missed my calls now I gave up I stopped calling him. Am scared because sometimes I have a feeling that he is with someone there but when I ask him he laughs and says he isn’t I shouldn’t be worried of that we exchange pictures and he sends me often once there is an occasion am so inlove with this guy but he is so principled that he doesn’t follow society as he puts it. And the thought of being cheated on that I wouldn’t stand but am always supporting him and he knows that
It is possible you are worried due to the distance between you two, you say he is very principled if he is principled then that means he is not the kind of person to cheat or do something bad, its possible that he hasn’t adjusted properly to his new environment and it might take a while, do give him some time first.
You can also talk to him and express your fears and feelings you should not feel shy to do this get him to talk about why he does what he does and see if there would be a change. If after the talk there is no change then maybe just maybe your fears are true.
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