Meet Amaka – Ask Her Anything About Life & WomanHood.

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Hello my name is Amaka. I am a regular (hot) Nigerian girl with big dreams. I have had both bad and great experiences in life generally and from time to time I would like share some of those experiences with you guys.

I have worked for a modelling agency, I have worked as a sales rep, I have also interned for couple of inspirational speakers. There, I learnt a lot about guidance and counseling. I currently sell bags and shoes from UK and Dubia and in my spare time, I like to engage with women out there. I think it is very important that we women always support each other psychologically. I came across fashionpolicenigeria on Facebook and since then  have been an ardent reader of the blog. I thought its best to leverage the traffic here to advise women out there.

I get a lots and lots of questions especially from friends of friends asking how I managed to build a business(fairly successful I don’t like to bragg!) considering the amount of challenges life threw at me. At first I answered this questions individually, but with there permission I have decided to us this platform to answer those questions(that way I can reach many many more people)

Feel free to drop comments that are constructive. At the end of every discussion, we have included polls to let us understand the opinion of readers. Please read and provide us with feedback. If for any reason you have a question, please send an email to [email protected]

My mother-in-law has stolen my husbands attention

My hubbys parents visit us once in a while and in the past 2 visit my mother-in-law always sit next to  my husband and leaving me and my father-in-law in the back seat. I did not feel comfortable at all  but did not say anything to my husband that time. I am totally OK if my father-in-law sits in front and  me and MIL sits back as we should leave the front seat for males.
In this visit also she is doing the same thing.. 99% of the time only my MIL, FIL and my husband goes out for shopping and everything. I stay home with my kid. Recently we all (including my 2 kids) went out to friends house, we don’t have a big car so we took 2 cars. And my MIL wanted to sit in my hubby’s car (next to him in the front seat and talking to him all the way) and asked my FIL to sit in my car. And my husband encouraged that. I was expecting at least this time she should come with me and males will go in a different car. I am really feeling very bad about this. Not only sitting next to my husband ,.. She loves to talk to my husband all the time and vice versa (my hubby also loves to talk to her for hours even when I am around) . All these are making me feel like I am left alone and nobody cares about me. Is it wrong that a wife wants to sit next to her husband or at least let the FIL sit in front seat instead of MIL. Is it wrong of me to feel this way?

Amaka : Hello Lonely Wife There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling as it is completely natural and normal to feel left out, but don’t you think your father-in-law feels left out as well? Try to enjoy your father-in-laws company instead also forge a firm relationship with your mother-in-law so that she would love to hang out with you. Remember that your mother-in-law only sees her son once in a while, so it is very natural that she would want to enjoy his company while she’s around.

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My husbands family wants to drive me out, what do I do?

I & my hubby bought a car from our joint A/C for a commercial use along the line my hubby dash the car to his senior brother without my concern when I confront him he started beating me. when I complain to his people they are not happy with him. Now the cause of sending the car away have caused problem to our marriage because I told him to tell his brother to send the car back or he balance me my money back. Instead of my hubby calling the brother, he called his mum & his mum is too hash tho she love me very much more than his children which everybody is aware I love her too the way I love my mum. Now the problem is high because anything my mother in-law says is final, you cannot challenge her.she call all her children telling them I want to kill my hubby now they ask me to call my people so that they will take me back home that they dont want to marry me again,I refused to call my people telling them they should leave me and my hubby alone to solve our matter.Everything we bought in the house, I and my hubby bought it together.they want to push me away like they did to one of my hubby brothers wife. At times my hubby cheat,smoke and lie to me when, I complain he started shouting on me. when I complain to his people they support him saying that my hubby knows those lady before me that I should stop disturbing them. He use to give me 20,000 every month now he stop giving me that now its 7,000 when we dont have soup he will give me 1000 or 500 to cook.Please Mamas and papas what should I do? My hubby said he will disgrace me.he is not like this since we marry except now I told him to tell his brother to send the car back.That same his brother called me yesterday that one of his pastor told him that the problem between I and my hubby is from my village hmmmm I was confuse its a lie. Meanwhile he is not married still dating a girl he was dating when I met my hubby. Please Mamas what should I do?

Amaka :What I have gathered from your story is that with everything that is happening you still love and want to stay with your husband, so the first step is to ignore his family and deal directly with your husband, by this I mean put the car issue on hold, pamper your husband, pretend that you’ve let the car problem go, get him to come around use your woman will to your advantage. It may take a while but he would definitely come around once you show him more love and affection. And from this moment do not attach anything you have to your husband because the African culture puts the man above and you can tell that his family members are a bit on the greedy side. Do not pick up a quarrel with his family members but be stern in any decision you make. Good Luck

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My husband has sold off our properties?

A woman who is also a friend has been married for 3 years, she has a toddler and pregnant now. her husband is well respected outside but he has been so cruel to her. she resigned because of marriage because they both worked in different states. her parent are well to do and ready to support them so her father gave them a car& buy land for them he even gave them start up fund the Lady claimed she has never use it against her husband. the husband doesn’t want her to do or buy anything without his knowledge even to a small item like slippers for her child if d man see such he destroy it or throw them away. the man is hot temper he can get angry for days, weeks even now turning into months. when he is angry with her he wont talk with her or fulfil his responsibility she claim to even weep and beg for sex from him and he will still not give it to her. the man is not moved by his tears. the story is so long but d bottom line is she has been abused physically emotionally she now has low self esteem couple with the fact that she is jobless though she has venture into business but the business failed she is a graduate with good grades. she is lonely most times and she has been fending for herself her father use to give her monthly allowance secretly but the man is late now for the past 2 months she has used up her savings to cater for her need and that of her child she pays the school fees. she has reported her man to his siblings yet no changes the man has taken out most of her properties he cancelled his name from the property documents they dont have a car anymore. WHAT CAN SHE DO. 1 REPORT TO POLICE OR MOVE OUT she doesn’t have a place to go to unless if she work it out. fellow mamas please lets advise her she is losing her mind thanks.

Amaka :This is a really troubled marriage and from the looks of it, it’s heading to the rocks. This is what you should tell your friend: Do not do anything drastic, make sure to avoid everything that would cause an argument or quarrel between you and your husband. Try to overlook everything he has done, that is if you want to continue as he’s wife, take things easy, pick yourself up and look for a job as that way you would earn money and be occupied, lastly please seek marriage counseling with your husband immediately.

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