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I know we humans aren’t perfect but I don’t seem to understand why we have to pretend over everything. Before going into marriage, we need to understand the rules and know that its a lifetime institution where you don’t graduate. Like what I do tell my friends, no matter what, never pretend when it comes to the issue of marriage. Be open and straight forward, don’t be blinded in love, don’t let your emotions rule you and endeavor to persuade your spouse to be open to you. Sometimes we are the source of our problems, don’t overlook issues while dating or courting, if he beats you while dating, believe me he would do worse while in marriage. So if any guy tries to beat you while dating, opt out on time, broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. I have seen and heard people died during domestic violence and I am so sure she would have been seeing the signs but chooses to keep quiet due to what people would say. So what I am saying in essence is that you should try to be yourself always.


Dear Amaka,

I really need your advice. I got married almost 3yrs ago but I had a child before for another man which I told my husband everything even before we started dating and he used to tell me it’s no big deal. I even asked severe times how he was goin to tell he people and what if they don’t agree 4 us to get married but he will always assure me that he will insist he want me. When we were about getting married he told I and my people we shouldn’t let ‎his people know about the child that after the wedding he will tell them himself, so we decided to tell his people that she’s my sister. She has been staying with us thou there are always so complain and quarrels about her but we will later settle it. Because I ve promised to be plain to him I told him everything about my finance after we got married. We decided for him to quit his job cos his salary is small and for him to start up a business with my money. Afterwards he lost his mum and I had to borrow him and his siblings almost a million naira which was my brothers money. Had to also fed for the family cos the business wasn’t doing fine. At first he do appreciate but suddenly he change. I was going through his phone 1 day and I saw he was asking a lady out when I confronted him he said he has been feeling bad lately that he got married to some1 who has a child for another man but that he’s not dating the lady. I saw severe call and text afterward but he kept on changing from bad to worst. He beat me up one day n asked my child to leave his house. After which he went to apologize to my father n siblings but he never apologize to me but I had to let go cos I won’t want to leave my marriage cos I have a child for him. After that he beat me up again but I didn’t tell anyone cos I decide to leave him as soon as I can get my money from him n his family but he immediately started begging n for days he did n pretended to have change. Recently my child came back to stay with us he told me he want her to leave n that when he pay me back my money I should leave too which I ve decided to do too but am about having another child for him. Am so tired of crying, am feeling very depressed, dissapointed, cheated, confused, regretful cos I ve given him all the money I ve I don’t even ve anything left. Pls help.

Dear Worried Woman,

It is very clear that the man you thought you married was nothing but a sham, I won’t say you should give up entirely but if you try to let him know the effect of his treatment and he doesn’t change then its best you collect yourself by doing whats best for your safety and that of your children. Also you must find a way to collect your money from him and try to work on yourself, be prayerful, get more means of income and take proper care of your kids. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured, your man is selfish. In all I wish you the best.

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