Women tend to invest a lot in a relationship; we put our heart and soul into it. We trust blindly, care immensely and love recklessly. We don’t put ourselves first when we are truly in love. My friend fell in love with a man who treated her wrong in so many ways. She trusted him and gave him everything she had. She refused to look past the fake box of perfection she had created for herself. Her idea of a perfect relationship was petty and shallow. She didn’t realize the wrong she was doing to herself; until she was finally out of the relationship.
Men want to be selected by a strong independent woman; the kind of woman who knows her worth, she respects herself and knows how to make people respect her. The moment a woman learns self-respect, she gains the ability to evaluate her relationship better. She prepares herself to leave the man she loves because show knows that, her love for this man, was for the wrong reasons. Every meaningless thing suddenly starts to make sense. Here are some of the reasons that make women leave the men they love.
1. Lack of common interests are not a good sign
Okay, before I say anything, I want you to know that people change with time. It might be you or it might be your partner. It is very true that negatives attract, but you both should have some common interests. If you transitioned, it’s not necessary that your partner too transitioned with you. It was these common interests that initially helped you both bond, their absence will have a drastic affect on your relationship.
Any girl would be left questioning her decisions. My friend’s ex used to adore so many things about her but she told me that by the end of the relationship, he started to disapprove of almost everything she did, as if she were inclined to please him.
2. Lack of communication will kill you
Men need someone to talk to, it’s impractical for a guy to be by her side all the time but if you are absent most of the time you are giving him one less of a reason to hold on. You might not necessarily interested in the topic of discussion(football, business, family) but at least try to make a conscious effort to be engage in smart conversations. If you are not with him every time she needs you, its like practically asking her to move on. My friend’s ex would be absent for days without any explanation.
And by being there, I also mean that you need to be mentally present. You need to “listen” to him, not just nod your head at everything she says. Pay attention, become a valid part of the conversation and make the conversation lively. That’s the only way you can strengthen communication between the two of you and will make your relationship great.
3. Physical Intimacy is very important
If you stop making sexual advances or are not taking care of his needs, he is probably going to think that there is someone else who is taking care of your desires for you. He is probably going to feel unwanted and worthless which will be very damaging for your relationship.
Being physically intimate says a lot of things without the usage of words. Yes, not everyone who gets laid is in love, but love is the number one reason people have sex. If you care about your partner and their needs in bed, they will have an assurance that your relation is something worth holding on to and their is some spark left between you two.
And I’m not talking about lust here. Lust can only survive for a while, love stays forever. You can only feel lust for someone for so long, and then it will go away and you won’t be attracted to them anymore. When you love someone, you are more attracted towards them, naturally.
4. Selfishness takes over
You are more invested into activities that please you, the less time you give him, the more distort he starts to feel about the relationship. Men want to be a priority, they don’t want to be treated as convenience. If you want to be left alone, he will show resistance to a certain extent after that she will seriously consider that you should be left alone for good. Their is no “I” in a relationship.
Remember, a relationship is an amalgam of things connected to one another giving you both reasons to hold on to one another. If these connections don’t exist anymore, your man will no longer feel inclined to stay by your side. The biggest thing a man needs is assurance that you would stand by him when the chips are down. If your aren’t fulfilling your promises and not putting effort into your relationship, it will pull him apart bit by bit, to a point that he wouldn’t want to commit anymore and will probably look around for a new romance.
5. Too many lies
Every one lies every once in a while. Is it okay to lie? Well, no, not at all. It’s not acceptable to lie to the person you love, your relationship is built on the trust you have between the two of you and you’re just throwing it out of the window by lying to your partner. One way or the other, they will eventually find out that you lied and that’ll be the end of your relationship (or at least the trust they had for you will never be the same).
When you lie to someone once, you’ll lie to them again. I’ve dealt with people who had a habit of lying and hiding things. They aren’t in my life anymore because you just can’t trust a liar. If you don’t want to drive your woman away from you, don’t hide things and don’t be a liar. Speaking the truth may hurt them or you, but it won’t be filled with a lot of guilt and a lot of smaller lies to support that first lie. Speak truthfully and be honest!
6. No personal space
One of my best friends recently broke up with her girlfriend because of this same reason. She never used to let him have any personal space. None at all! Personal space is extremely vital for our sanities. We can’t be ourselves with anyone else unless we get to spend time alone with ourselves and do our own activities away from our partners. Our “me time” and our hang outs with our friends keep us sane and keep us happy.
If you want to make your man love you and respect you, give him the space he needs to grow on his own. You’re not going to be a bad girlfriend if you let him breathe on him own!
7. Being too cold or “emotionally unavailable”
Being emotionally unavailable is one of the worst things you can do to your partner. He doesn’t want you to just hang out with him, go to fancy dinners with him, watch a movie with him and be “absent” during all of these things. He wants you to be emotional, he wants you to understand, he wants your love and affection.
People who are emotionally unavailable for too long with their partners often end up being completely distant from them in the long run and damage their relationships to a point where they can’t be fixed anymore. Be there for him, listen to his sadness, be there for him in his happiness, that’s what he wants.
8. Trying to change him
Remember, you love him for the person he IS, not the person you want him to be. We all should be loved for who we are, it’s what we deserve. You shouldn’t be with someone who’s on a constant move to change each and every thing about you. If you stick with such a person, you will slowly drift away from the person you once were and won’t be able to recognize your own self once they’re done with you.
If you try to change your man, you’re not in love with her, you’re just in love with some idea of him and him being the way you want him to be. People don’t fall in love with the goal in mind to change the people they love, love is transparent and requires no changes. If you actually love someone, you love them for who they are and not what you can make them into. That sort of selfish love only leads to fights, arguments, regrets and eventually, breakups.
9. Comparing him with others
This one is the most common one of them all, one of the most common reasons why men leave the women they love. It’s when they compare their men with other men (on a serious level), ESPECIALLY when they compare their men with their exes, that’s just a huge NO!
You can’t just compare one person with another person, everyone is different in their our ways and everyone has a unique personality, it is highly unfair towards them if you’re comparing them to someone else (or complain about how they don’t do something like someone else used to do). It’s a major turn off and it also makes the man feel like he’s not being appreciated for who he is and he’s just put under a microscope and every move of his is going to be judged and criticised.
10. Ignoring the little things (small efforts)
In my experience, little things matter more than grand gestures when it comes to relationships. Those who pay attention to the little things are the people who will always be happy in life because they don’t have any standard for happiness, they find happiness in the smallest of things and in the smallest of efforts.
Those who only pay attention when it’s something big, are the people who won’t always be happy in life because they won’t always get grand gestures and materialistic things in life. Learn to appreciate the smallest of efforts and make your man feel appreciated.
Talk to me
Ladies, have you had similar experiences in your life? Let me know about them in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
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